The Realities of New Motherhood – Why It’s So Hard

Becoming a mother is one of the most profound life changes a woman will go through, and it can be a beautiful journey in many, many ways. But in this piece I want to talk about the undeniable fact that new motherhood is actually incredibly challenging for many women too.

The transition to parenthood is filled with physical, emotional, and social adjustments that can leave new mothers feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, to say the least. And in the midst of all these changes, a new mom may really struggle to understand her new identity and the responsibilities that come with it – everything changes so fast!

From the moms I support, I often hear things like –

“Will I ever feel like myself again?”

“When will things feel normal?

“Why is this so hard?”

In all the time I’ve spent supporting new mothers and their transition into parenthood, I’ve come to see there are many reasons why new motherhood can feel so hard. And there are several themes as to why this transformative phase of life can be so difficult too. Here are a few trends that show up in my work –

The Physical Demands – For one, pregnancy, labor, and delivery all take a toll on a woman's body, and the recovery period can be long and arduous. Sleep deprivation due to the erratic sleep patterns of newborns is usually a shock to the new mom’s system too. Then the physical demands of breastfeeding or adapting to pumping and/or bottle feeding can be exhausting to the new mom’s physical body as well. The lack of personal time to rest and recover, and the pressure to prioritize the needs of the baby, all work to leave new mothers feeling very, very drained and fatigued.

The Emotional Rollercoaster – The hormonal fluctuations that accompany pregnancy and childbirth can trigger a rollercoaster of emotions for new moms. From joy and immense love, to anxiety, self-doubt, and postpartum blues – new mothers experience a wide range of feelings, many of which may be unfamiliar or even frightening. Adjusting to the new role of being responsible for a tiny human being can be overwhelming, and the pressure to be a perfect mother (often coupled with feelings of guilt and inadequacy), definitely takes a toll on a new mom’s emotional well-being.

The Social Isolation – The demands of motherhood often result in new mothers feeling socially isolated. The time and energy required to care for a newborn can make it challenging to maintain social connections, and many new mothers find themselves spending most of their time at home, feeling cut off from their pre-baby lives and supports. This isolation can intensify feelings of loneliness and contribute to the strain a new mom experiences early in motherhood.

The Lack of Support – In my experience, this is the most significant factor of all. In so many cases, new mothers lack the necessary support systems to navigate the complex new challenges they face. Whether due to a lack of planning and preparation, or lack of access to the quantity and quality of help that a new mom actually needs (something around the clock, say for a good month, would be a start) – the inadequate postnatal support that many women face is often a primary contributing factor to the hardships of new motherhood.

So How Can We Ease the Transition for a New Mom?

From physical exhaustion to emotional challenges and social isolation, new mothers are up against so much in those early weeks and months. But the experience can feel easier for a new mom with the right support in place!

Support plays such a crucial role in helping new moms navigate the challenges of the transition, and how much (or what kind of) support a new mom gets will really impact her experience.

Here are some aspects of support that new moms can focus on to help you get through those earliest growing pains with more ease –

Emotional Support – New moms benefit so much from emotional support, as the early stages of motherhood can be emotionally overwhelming. Having someone to talk to, share experiences with, and receive empathy and understanding from can make all the difference. This support can come from partners, family members, friends, or support groups where you can connect with others who are going through similar experiences. A new mom coach or other maternal mental health professional who understands and can help validate and guide a new mom in her journey is also a great source of support in this way.

Practical Help – New moms often struggle with the practical aspects of caring for a newborn while trying to manage your own well-being. Practical support might look like help with childcare, household chores, meal preparation, or running errands, or just holding the infant so you can take a shower, a nap, a walk, or have a quiet moment to yourself. Friends and family members can offer their hand at this help, or professional services like a postpartum/new mom coach, doula, meal and/or cleaning service can also fill in for this support need.

Breastfeeding Support – Infant feeding can be challenging for many new moms in so many ways, especially when it’s your first experience as a mother. There is so much information and social pressure, and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and frustrated by the process. Having access to breastfeeding support services, such as lactation consultants or breastfeeding support groups, can be invaluable as these resources provide guidance, education, and troubleshooting assistance to help you along the feeding journey.

Postpartum Healthcare – Adequate postpartum healthcare support is crucial for new moms' physical and mental well-being too. In addition to regular check-ups with healthcare professionals for monitoring your recovery, access to mental health services like postpartum depression screenings and counseling is also vital. Sometimes other healthcare support like chiropractic, acupuncture, or pelvic-floor physical therapy is also needed to optimize a new mom’s recovery and adjustment to your new body.

Education and Information – Knowledge is so empowering for new moms and having awareness of what you’re experiencing (and why) can make such a difference in a mom’s adjustment to motherhood. Access to reliable information about newborn care, postpartum recovery, and self-care practices can all help a new mom navigate the challenges you face, and even more importantly (in my opinion) help you feel validated in them too.

Non-Judgmental Understanding – This may just be the most important type of support a new mom can get (also in my opinion)! In order to fully embrace your new role and all its challenges, new moms need a supportive environment where you feel safe and comfortable to express your concerns, fears, and struggles without fear of judgment. When a new mom feels understood and validated, you are less likely to feel ashamed or inadequate, and more likely to seek connection, help or guidance from others more freely.

CONCLUSION –

While new motherhood is a remarkable journey of growth and often beautiful transformation, it is so important for all of us to acknowledge the hardships that come with it for the new mother. But the good news is that customized support can soothe some of those hardest and earliest growing pains for you when you know what to look for and where to turn for help.

What support a new mom specifically needs will vary mother to mother, and also by your unique situation. But by first acknowledging the hardship, and paying attention to yourself so you can identify the areas where you’re struggling most – you can then begin to grow a network of care, encouragement, and resources that all better help you find more joy and ease along the new motherhood journey.

Are you a new (or new again) mom that needs more support in any of these areas right now? Reach out to work with me! My New Mom Coaching services were designed for just this reason – to help mothers like you find your footing, grow more secure, and feel more supported (in all the ways!) in the new motherhood season.