Six Reasons To Believe You Are More Than “Just a Mom”
I’m guessing that like me, you’re a multifaceted human with a vast array of desires, interests, and aspirations. And for us moms, these dimensions are beautifully complex and go far beyond your role as a mother.
Don’t get me wrong – motherhood is the best thing that ever happened to me. It is an incredibly fulfilling and important part of my life that I couldn’t be where I am today without. If you’re reading this, maybe it’s also what gives your other roles in life so much purpose too. Still, wanting to experience more than motherhood is only natural, and a part of more fully developing as a person.
But there’s a fear moms feel about admitting you want more than motherhood.
Social norms tell us that motherhood “should be” the primary focus for women. And many cultural values have shaped an idealized assumption that “good mothers” are self-sacrificing or even selfless too. This no doubt makes it challenging for mothers to express personal desires beyond the maternal role, especially without deep internal conflict or guilt.
Maybe you fear judgment or criticism from others, or you worry about being perceived as neglectful or selfish. Maybe you feel a ton of pressure to care for your children over everything else, leading to big feelings of guilt and shame when you think about doing even the smallest thing for yourself. Or maybe you’re like so many other modern-day moms who have limited support – it’s no wonder you’re afraid to speak up without the reassuring encouragement, understanding, or validation from family, friends, or a partner to back you up.
I have been there and felt these same pressures. I have experienced the guilt and shame that come with prioritizing time for myself and my own needs. And I have felt how selfish it seems to take time away from my kids without anyone there encouraging me to go.
In my journey, I’ve learned that it’s so important to normalize the tendency to lose ourselves to motherhood. And I’ve learned that talking openly about our selves as individuals beyond being a mom is the key to reclaiming our unique sense of worth. There’s nothing that makes me happier today than to help women discover more of your fullest and truest self, and to realize your most dynamic desires or dreams.
It starts with understanding why you are more than just a mom, and here are six reasons I can think of to get you started —
1) You Need Personal Fulfillment – Moms, like everyone else, have personal goals, passions, and dreams that contribute to your sense of fulfillment. And these don’t always (or even sometimes) relate to your children or who you want to be for them. Pursuing personal interests that matter to you outside being a mother will allow you to grow as an individual and find deeper life satisfaction that can in turn enrich your experience of being a parent too.
2) You Need to Feel Purposeful – If you have special interests in work or giving back outside parenting – it’s for good reason! Having a focused area of growth and contribution outside motherhood supports you in so many ways – not only the potential for social interaction and mental stimulation, but also a greater sense of purpose and contribution to humanity. These gains create more joy for you through meaningful experiences, AND they create the opportunity to model and pass down more of your own unique values to your kids too!
3) You Need Social Connection – Just like anyone else, moms crave connection and social relationships. Social connections play a crucial role in contributing to happiness by providing emotional support, reducing stress, and creating opportunities for shared experiences. And because the even greater benefits include feeling validated and a sense of belonging to something bigger than yourself – it’s no wonder you might want more time for relationships and community beyond your family.
4) You Need Intellectual Stimulation – Engaging in activities that stimulate your mind, such as learning new skills, pursuing further education, or participating in intellectual interests, can be so great for your growth. To feel happier, moms need outlets to use your mind and connect with the adult parts of yourself. When you prioritize time for things like creative expression, curiosity, and new learning, you’re also gifting yourself a greater sense of mastery and personal achievement too. When does that ever not feel good to a mom?!
5) You Need Personal Growth – Personal growth is the key to living a fulfilling and resilient life. When you invest time in challenging yourself and growing in new ways, you get perks like improved relationships, greater adaptability to and recovery from life’s stresses, and increased confidence. But even better, personal growth always leads to improved well-being and greater life satisfaction too. Developing your fullest potential as a human (not just a mother) for the win!
6) You Need Your Whole Identity – Being a mother is a significant part of your identity, I know – it’s the most important part of mine. But from this list up to now you can see it's not the only aspect to you that matters. It’s so important to maintain a sense of self outside your role as a parent because doing so overall supports better relationships, healthier self-esteem, improved life satisfaction, and greater life resilience for you. And if you still need yet another reason – well, your family simply flourishes more when ALL of you is happier.
Take Aways —
Obviously moms (like anyone) feel the most fulfilled when you’re able to strike balance between the roles and responsibilities of your life with your unique ambitions and passions at the same time. Even if motherhood is the cornerstone around which all your other motivations and life purposes are built (I do have a business working with and for moms, after all) — still you naturally have dreams or desires that have nothing to do with being a parent, and that’s okay!
Getting curious about who you are beyond motherhood and taking steps to do more of what really energizes you is how we grow more joy from the trenches of all that “just a mom” hard work. And it starts with understanding you are a beautiful kaleidoscope of dimensions that each need to be honored with curated and intentional self-care. The result? Your own life will light up dazzling shapes and colors you never even thought possible.
If you are ready to start prioritizing more of your passionate and prismatic self, sign up for my newsletter and stay informed of all my latest and upcoming offers!
*Keely Clark is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) and certified Perinatal Mental Health Specialist (PMH-C) located in Asheville, North Carolina. She has over 15 years of experience in healing work, and today specializes in supporting moms in the adjustment to parenthood, healing from relational trauma, and growing confidently into your fullest potential so you can love life and motherhood more. Keely provides online mental health therapy to residents of NC, SC and FL, and motherhood mentoring support to women and mothers everywhere.