4 Ways New Moms Can Enjoy Motherhood More

Like I say so often (and what’s echoed in countless other great articles like this one), self-compassion is fundamental to the mental health and well-being of everyone. But in my work, I’ve found that self-compassion is vitally important for new moms who are struggling to find joy in their lives.

Because new moms are up against considerable pressures like “Mom Guilt,” critical comparisons of themselves to other moms, and tons of self-doubt in their budding new parenting skills – it’s essential to learn how to be more kind to yourself with your thoughts and actions in those early weeks and months of motherhood.

And because thinking kinder thoughts innately supports increased feelings of fondness and warmth, it naturally follows that growing more compassion for yourself would be a simple way to like more of yourself and your life!

It may sound too good to be true, but it really does work (and it’s not as hard as you may think)!

Here are four basic ways to help you get started on your journey toward cultivating more compassion for yourself, and more joy in your life as a mom –

Practicing Mindfulness

Mindfulness is the intention of being present and aware of your thoughts and feelings at any given moment without judgment, distraction, or over-identifying with them. It means paying attention to what you’re thinking – not just avoiding the uncomfortable stuff, or thinking about “nothing.” It means noticing what is there, meeting it with acceptance, and gently redirecting yourself on to another more kind thought if you need it.

 New mothers can practice more mindfulness daily by simply checking in with yourself and asking, “How do I feel, and what do I need?” Then listen to what comes up with curiosity and kindness, and allow any response to just be there in that moment. Notice if it feels supportive, or if it’s uncomfortable or even scary. Then offer yourself a thought that is kind and nurturing, like “I am doing the best I can,” or “I’m really struggling with something right now,” or “What is one thing I can do to care for myself in this moment?”

 Sometimes developing a mindfulness practice comes more easily when you pair it with another ritual that already exists in your day. For fun, I like to tell my clients to practice this kind of check-in with your thoughts or feelings any time you sit down to pee each day (since I know many of you are doing that a lot more lately). :)

Prioritizing Self-Care

Another way new moms can grow your joy is to prioritize your own self-care. It’s no surprise that mothers often feel overwhelmed by burnout, exhaustion and frustration – you’re always putting (and expected to put) the needs of your children and family first! But doing this really empties you of the resources you need to feel your best (and experience the best in yourself).

 By prioritizing nourishing activities like moving your body, eating foods you enjoy, connecting with people or experiences you love, or just finding a calm quiet space to pause the “noise” and take a moment to reflect – you can replenish your energy and fuel up on what feeds more of your daily joy.

To begin practicing this, I suggest identifying and scheduling one self-care activity each day – no matter how small! This can be taking 5 minutes to practice a guided meditation, calling a friend, taking a walk, watching a Netflix episode, journaling a few of the day’s highlights, savoring your favorite cup of coffee — there are so many possibilities! The key is to just set an intention to do something loving for yourself, and really notice how it feels when you prioritize this part of your day.

Challenging Critical Thoughts

This no doubt is one of the hardest ways to grow more joy, but it’s so important to the process.  

Mothers are incredibly susceptible to self-criticism and negative self-talk, largely due to societal pressures, expectations and misconceptions of motherhood, and comparative thinking norms among new moms. These inevitably lead to deep feelings of guilt, shame, and inadequacy for those who already struggle with the steep learning curve and high standards of early motherhood.

The antidote then is to challenge any critical, perfectionist, or even disparaging thought with questions like “Why am I being so hard on myself in this way?” OR “How do these mean thoughts serve me (or do they)?” OR “Are my thoughts accurate, is there another perspective I could consider?”

Sometimes in the beginning, this skill is best supported relationally with reflections from others who can more objectively listen and offer gentle feedback to your perspective. Talking with a close friend, a trusted loved one, or a therapist or new mom coach and listening to how they respond differently to your viewpoint is an awesome way to grow a more thoughtful and kind inner voice for overall greater self-acceptance and joy as a mom.

Get Support

One of the biggest risk factors for a difficult transition for a new (or new again mom) or general dislike for motherhood, is the limited support and the isolation that often marks this time.

Mothers frequently feel unsupported in their role, whether due to an absent or unavailable partner, the time demands and restrictions that come with infant care, or feeling reluctant to ask for a break. Whatever the case, this break down in social and physical support that new moms face only exacerbates feelings of stress and overwhelm, which are two of the most pesky thieves of motherhood joy.

But by intentionally working to identify resources and seeking out help, even when it feels uncomfortable, moms can improve a sense of manageability over their motherhood responsibilities and feel less alone in the journey. This support can come from friends, family, a therapist or a mom coach – ultimately, it’s just asking for the support that can help moms gain new perspective and feel validated in the struggles, all of which enhances your ability to enjoy more of the little moments in between!

_____________

Overall, self-compassion is the key to nurturing greater well-being and health, but more so (and most importantly for moms who are struggling to like motherhood) vital for moms who are struggling to find meaningful joy or satisfaction in their new role.

Practicing self-compassion can be as simple as thinking kind thoughts about yourself, or as courageous as setting boundaries, asking for what you need, or confronting and gently challenging your feelings of inadequacy or shame.

No matter how you practice it though, just being intentional with your mindset to care for yourself in these loving ways can promote your health, that of your family, and also increase your joy in life as a mom at the same time!

For more support with growing these lifeline self-compassion skills, reach out to me! I love helping moms find the joy in being nicer to themselves. :)