Mom, Get Some Sleep — Your JOY Depends on It!

Maybe you’ve heard that the average person needs between 7 and 9 hours of nightly sleep for optimal health functioning. But did you know that many women are actually on average only getting 6 hours and 41 minutes each night? This is all according to the National Sleep Foundation, who also says that anything less than six hours a night is “not recommended” (see the NSF’s matrix for sleep guidelines across all ages).

Other research by the American Academy of Neurology says that sleep quantity and quality is on average less for women with children than those without any kids, and that our sleep is generally poorer than that of men overall due to a number of female physiological and psychological factors.

Moreover, they also say that a woman’s quantity and quality of sleep is even more reduced (by as much half!) with each additional child that lives in the home. (See this CBS and HealthDay segment for more statistics and facts about how “Moms are Much More Sleep Deprived”).

What Does All this Mean for Moms?

Well for one, there’s a myriad of studies that all show a high correlation between poor sleep and psychiatric complications. So moms unfortunately are at an even higher risk for mental health challenges given all the sleep we’re not getting — and there’s nothing like more anxiety or depression to steal your joy.

Another consideration is the impact of poor sleep on our cognition and general functioning. The National Sleep Foundation also says our brains need adequate sleep to organize all the cognitive input received over the course of our day and file it away. So when moms are not getting a healthy amount of shut-eye, you’re actually at an increased risk for problems like impaired memory, slower mental processing (hello “Mom Brain!”), and even increased accidents due to slowed reaction times (according to WebMD) — as if motherhood could be any harder!

And finally — maybe even most important of all to you — how rested you are actually affects your family too. Consider the mental power we need to keep track of all those doctor appointments, field trip monies due, tooth fairy collections, shopping lists for next week’s dinners, or <insert any other other mom-mental load task here>. Or all the emotional stamina it takes to just keep your head about you when your little ones are losing their own minds. Without sleep, you’re significantly less resourced to do (much less enjoy) your mom jobs efficiently — and the rest of the family will feel it too.

How Do Moms Get More of this Much Needed Sleep?

I know practically speaking, getting more sleep as a mom isn’t easy. Especially when you don’t have support and you’re in charge of so much for your family, there are so many barriers that can get in the way of prioritizing your rest. But there are also small ways that can still add up and help support you in getting more sleep when the opportunities to power down show up. Here are a few that come to mind for me —

Establish a Regular Sleep Ritual – Much like kids need the structure and consistency of routines, moms benefit from a series of ritualized activities just before bed that cue your brain for sleep. Whether it’s a warm bath, a soothing mug of tea, a few pages in the latest book you’re reading — whatever you do, and no matter what time you do it — if it’s generally in the same order each night, eventually your brains become conditioned to the routine and what it means, which helps you transition into more restful sleep a little more easily.

Be Mindful Before Bedtime  – This one is probably obvious and overstated, but still important to mention. Be mindful of your caffeine and hard-to-digest foods intake, especially late in the day. Also limit alcohol in the hours before bed if you can since it’s well known to impact sleep quality. And power down all screens at least 1-2 hours before bed, or at least put them in “night” mode, since the light effects send mixed messages about the time of day to our brain.

Get Quiet with Yourself  – Not only does a quiet activity like reading, journaling, stretching, deep-breathing/meditation, or a little night-time yoga help settle your body and cue your mind that its time to turn inward – it can also help settle your mood and calm residual tension from the day. The practice of a quiet activity in this way just before bed definitely helps you mentally unwind, and supports your sleep even better when you build it regularly into a nightly routine – see #1!

And Of Course — Practice Self-Compassion! — Self-compassion plays a vital role in improving sleep quality by reducing self-criticism, anxiety and negative self-talk, which are all common undercurrents of sleeplessness for many moms. Self-compassion also supports your ability to be more kind to yourself so you feel less guilty when you do prioritize self-nurturing activities (like sleep) over tasks you believe you could or “should’ be doing instead. And in a third way, practicing self-compassion helps you cultivate more mindfulness, so you can pay better attention to what it is you need, and then better support those needs (for sleep, or otherwise) with more mindful intention — an all around WIN!

So Are You Ready to Get More Sleep?

While the tendency toward elusive sleep in motherhood (or the elusiveness of joy that sleep deprivation means for many moms too) probably isn’t changing anytime soon — it is possible to fight off sleeplessness and grow more of the skills that help you more mindfully optimize your well-being. And the great news is that once you begin to put these sleep-supportive skills into practice, it doesn’t really take all that long to feel the difference that even a little extra sleep can make.

If prioritizing and getting more sleep is something you need support with, reach out to work with me! Together we can help you make a plan with meaningful action steps to recover your rest and refresh your joy in motherhood.